Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Farmville is her only friend.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't tell me you're on acid again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
