i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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