It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
