And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
