Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
