remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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