the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
