this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
