Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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