Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
