you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
