The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
