In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
