I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
