Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
