well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
