my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
