How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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