She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
