from now on my penis is your penis
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
