I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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