So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
