Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
