She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
