today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
