don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
