So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We named our party play list daddy issues
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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