i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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