Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
