your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
