carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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