i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
