Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
