No subtext here. People are naked.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
