Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
