Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
