I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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