That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish I only lived at night.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
