I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
