I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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