i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
