Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
