I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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