My cat gives me a boner
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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