New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
