This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
