So drunk its hurt
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
