i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
