I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
