2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
