I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
