Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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